This teen monster is killing me!!! She has been giving me so much lip and being very sneaky. Don’t get me wrong, I 100% know and understand that teens give lip and are sneaky, I did the same thing. But when you are on the other side it is nuts. Every time she opens her mouth it is lip or sass and I just want to call my grandmother and apologize(she raised me). Some days I think why and will this ever stop lol? My middle Monster and I are very close and a lot alike I think that has alot to do with it. She does this thing when she is mad she will stop talking to me and as much as I don’t want to admit it it drives me crazy!!!! I wonder some days which one of us will make it out alive. Raising teens is like dinosaur fight in Jurassic park at the end of the day only one will make it out alive. Most days I wake up ready for a fight, with her about stupid things like waking up late, missing the bus, the room not being cleaned, and taking way too much time in the bathroom, because I have learned that teens only look out for themselves. I will say she is a great help and for the most part a very good monster but on others days she lives up to her name monster lol.
This pandemic is killing my marriage but is it really or is it just making issues that we had before come to head!!! I knew that we had problem in our marriage but spending so much time together I see that we have more then I thought. I am fighting so hard to make this work. I have been reading books googling I even asked my husband to go to marriage counseling. Here is the thing I don’t want my kids to deal with that awful thing called divorce!! My 2 oldest monster are already broken from me leaving their dad. I see how they are hurting and I don’t want my youngest monster to go threw what I already put the 2 oldest monster threw. My husbands parents have been happily married 40yrs well as happy as you can be when you have to deal with the same person for that long. That is a lot for me to live up to. I love my husband very much but I don’t think I should have to settle for anything less then what I want don’t get me wrong I know that thing change, work, life get in the way. I mean we have 2 teenage monster learning how to drive, sports, extra activities, mall trips, you get the point. But to stay happily married I think that we have to get to know the new us but my husband get so caught up in his life that I think he forgets that I am there. I don’t even know were to start or how to make it work. I want him to put in more work I want him to make me feel the way that he did when we first met I understand that might be a lot to ask for after 10yrs. I know that it takes 2 I think I have been trying too. I am not sure what he would say about my end of it lol. so here is my question can I save my marriage? Is it worth it? Is this hurting my monsters more?
My oldest Monster has been telling us that he is feeling trapped in the house like a caged animal. I completely understand the feeling because I feel that same way. He has been telling us he needs to get out and see people but he is scared. He said he is feeling alone. I 100% believe in pandemic depression I am just not sure how they are going to help all these kids. We have an appt with his Dr but I am not sure how is going to help. Our 2 oldest monster got their first covid shot (please don’t come at me with you vaccine opinions because I believe everyone has the right to choose BTW we gave are teenage monster the choice to get it they both choose to get it) but what is life like post pandemic? Will things ever go back to “life before” what does life look like now? As a mom it really sucks not having the answers or not knowing how to help him because everything he is feeling I am feeling too!!!! I really just wish this Covid BIT** never came around!!!!!!!
The past couple of months I have been choosing to put my needs first for the first time ever!!!! I know what some of you are thinking you’re a mom how can you do that? Well here’s the thing I was not being the best mom I could be that is how I can put myself first. I choose to do things that I love again go out, enjoy kids free time, delegate chores to my husband, read, and have better self care. Guess what I don’t care if that bothers people or they think I am being a bad mom or wife because I am living my best life and I an a better mom and wife because I choose myself. In choosing myself I learned that I don’t have to do it all be it all it is ok to let stuff go give in to letting the kids have ice cream for breakfast because it is not worth the fight. I learned that other peoples opinions don’t matter!!!!!!!
My youngest monster has sensory processing disorder but this Covid Bi*** is making it crazy his social anxiety is out of control. I have been trying to take him to have playdates with his younger cousins to see if that will help but no he has been out of control he has no idea how to act or deal with his sensory overload. How do I help him without making him a more of a home body than we already are? He was making so much progress before all this happened I feel like he is worse then were we started. I would like to get him back in OT but they are only doing zoom and that kinda defeats the purpose!!! I am so over this pandemic!!
I would like to talk for a minute about Mom Guilt!!! I have Mom guilt for all kinds of reasons but I was talking to my sister this weekend and she was telling me that she has been having a lot of mom guilt when she leaves her kids with someone. That made me stop and think why do so many people put moms down for wanting time away from our children. I personally am trying to put myself first a little more this year with everything going on I really think it is important to make time for yourself. I think that with putting myself first I can become a better mom and wife. I 100% believe in self care. I don’t believe that you should never feel guilty. Do your little monsters or significant other feel guilty when they put themselves first? Do single people feel guilty? NO so why should you? I am working on getting my sister on the self care mantra. I think that we need to stop MOM SHAMING. Being a mom is hard enough without the MOM SHAMING.
I think with everything this year everyone is ready for this year to be over, but with the reality of everything this year is it really going to be better than last. I am still going to set new goals for the year. I learned a lot this past year with that said I am going to make realistic goals like trying to keep girls night going because I believe that we really need it. I think that with this pandemic as bad as it is there are some realistic goals we can set like work on our marriage work on my mental health I really think that being home and homeschool I need me time to be with my thoughts more then ever. I am also going to keep connecting with my little monsters. We are learning new thing everyday and I love it. I hate what is going on in the world but I am blessed to say that we have really connected as a family in way that I never knew that we could in a time were social media rules these teens my monster are wanting to talk and connect more. I will tell you that I have learned so much from my monsters this year like TikToc dances and how to game lol. My monsters have also learned from me some new card games and I got to show them my love for history. We also talked about some tough things. I loved that we all slowed down. So as much as this covid Bi*** sucks I love that I could connect with my husband, monsters, and family.
PLEASE DON’T LET KIDS READ!!!!!!!!!!
This year has been hell for everyone! I had no idea how to keep the spirit alive and be festive this year. If we are being completely honest I wanted to skip right over it but with a Santa Believer that was out of the question! We also have the added stress of having an immune compromised child. How do you do the holidays in a pandemic? We did find somethings to do I can tell you that I have rolled, cut, and baked way more cookies then I ever have. The kids are not even in the Spirit this year they are so bummed they missed out on so many of the fun activities that we have done in the past. They also missed out on snow days because with remote learning they don’t get them but that is a rant for another blog. I hope that everyone has a great holiday here’s to hoping that 2021 will be better I mean we can only go up from rock bottom RIGHT!!!!!!!
Here are some pictures😀
Sorry I have been a little MIA I have been reflecting on everything going on in the world. I have also been very busy with my new career as a “teacher” homeschool is no joke I am really struggling with it. So here is the thing I never wanted to be a teacher and I got thrown in to this I am so lost. The school district choses to use something new the teachers and students don’t understand it. The parents are thrown to the wolves to pick up the pieces and figure it out all well hoping their child is still learning and not falling behind anymore than they already have. I am very concerned about how far behind my child really is. I am scared of the last effects this will have on these children. How will the social skills be effected? Will they have trouble when everything gets back to “normal” not really sure it will ever go back. How can these kids interact with others when they have been sheltered and only talking to friends and family VIA zoom calls? Will we recover for this? I do have some good things that have happened we are closer as a family we are way more connected. I can also now put “Teacher” on my resume.
This year is going to be very different. My oldest and youngest monsters will be doing homeschool or distance learning and my middle monster will be attending school. Where we live they gave us the option to do in person or online. My husband and I decided that because our oldest and youngest monsters attend public school they will be doing online the middle monster is staring at a new private school so she will be attending in person. We decided that because the private school had a way better plan for in person that she will go. The public school doesn’t have a good plan to keep my monsters safe in my opinion. We are very nervous with everything going on the school has not set up a good plan don’t get me wrong I understand that in these times it is harder to have a good safe plan but I will never put my monsters at risk.
Today we went to our middle monsters back to school orientation. I think that in this time and how things are now is so sad. I watched my middle monster interact with her new peers and teachers with a mask on and 6 feet apart for a child who strives on social interaction I could see that she felt so different and a little sad. In this season of her life of start of high school should be a happy fun experience but no not ever close yes we are making to best of the situation.