This Monster keeper just hit the hardest part of Parenthood!! Teenage DATING scary scary crap!!! I know that I have said this before but now one ever prepared me for this stage of parenting. This parenting in the social media age is hard but having teenagers who are dating during this time is even harder. I don’t even know where to start I am trying to set realistic boundaries but this is a scary world we live in. My husband and I took our middle Monster on her first date we wanted to be there to see how he treated her. We wanted him to understand our rules and our boundaries. Don’t get me wrong I know that kids act different when parents are around. I hope I am doing what’s best for them. I am just very unsure of how to parent is this social media age. So here is my Question how do you handle this? How do your kids handle it? What boundaries do you set? I know that I have to trust that I have instilled good values and that they respect my boundaries and rules. I also believe in letting them make mistakes so they can learn how to fix them and so they can learn from them in general!!!!!!
Family time? Our family tries to make time for each other but as the Monsters get older we are finding it hard and hard to have time together. I know that anytime I get with these Monsters is great. I love my little moments with each of them like my early morning talks with my youngest or my coffee dates with my oldest but my favorite time is with my middle Monster (shh don’t tell the other 2 lol) my time with her is my favorite because I never had a mother daughter relationship so mine with her is very important. Here is my question how do I make sure they are having enough time? I never had family time when I was a kid. I want my Monsters to know that they are important and that their time is important too. I know that my time with my 2 oldest Monsters is limited because in a very short time they will be off to college and their own lives!
My middle monster would like a little more freedom. My husband and have been fighting over how to handle everything from social media to curfew. I grew up with a very strict Grandmother I was not allowed to do much I also had a curfew till the day I moved (I was 20) My husband grew up with parents who were not as strict. Now I would like to give my monster some freedom with in reason because I know what kids who have strict parents are very sneaky and do dumb things like get pregnant young! (speaking from experience) My husband on the other hand wants to keep her on a very short lease! (lol) So here is my question how much freedom is ok? How In this age of social media how do I protect her because I know better than most that some people in this world are awful? (that is the nicest word I could use) I want to let her learn from her own experiences but I also want to protect her! So how do you give your 15yr old Monster freedom that we can both agree on? I also don’t want my middle Monster to feel like we are giving her brother who is only 15 months older then her more freedom. I also understand that what works for one might not work for the other! I also understand parenting is not one size fits all! I have another question but this might cause some controversy. How do I stop my husband from being sexes? He thinks our oldest monster should get more freedom but our middle monster not so much.
My little Monsters started school this week. They started in person school for the first time in what seams like forever! To say they were nervous would be an understatement. My oldest Monster who’s personalty is “I don’t give a fu**” did not sleep the night before and was very quite the morning of school which if you know him that is not like him at all. The youngest Monster woke up saying “mommy I think I am going to throw up” he was also very quiet. My husband and I took our youngest Monster to school he held my hand and was shaking . I didn’t realize how much covid has effected these kids something that should be a very exciting thing is now turned into a scary thing because of the unknown. My only hope is that these are not the things that these kids remember when they tell stories to their children I hope this is a very distant memory. Our middle Monster just fell right back into her regular routine. She has been in person school the whole time.
This pandemic is killing my marriage but is it really or is it just making issues that we had before come to head!!! I knew that we had problem in our marriage but spending so much time together I see that we have more then I thought. I am fighting so hard to make this work. I have been reading books googling I even asked my husband to go to marriage counseling. Here is the thing I don’t want my kids to deal with that awful thing called divorce!! My 2 oldest monster are already broken from me leaving their dad. I see how they are hurting and I don’t want my youngest monster to go threw what I already put the 2 oldest monster threw. My husbands parents have been happily married 40yrs well as happy as you can be when you have to deal with the same person for that long. That is a lot for me to live up to. I love my husband very much but I don’t think I should have to settle for anything less then what I want don’t get me wrong I know that thing change, work, life get in the way. I mean we have 2 teenage monster learning how to drive, sports, extra activities, mall trips, you get the point. But to stay happily married I think that we have to get to know the new us but my husband get so caught up in his life that I think he forgets that I am there. I don’t even know were to start or how to make it work. I want him to put in more work I want him to make me feel the way that he did when we first met I understand that might be a lot to ask for after 10yrs. I know that it takes 2 I think I have been trying too. I am not sure what he would say about my end of it lol. so here is my question can I save my marriage? Is it worth it? Is this hurting my monsters more?
My oldest Monster has been telling us that he is feeling trapped in the house like a caged animal. I completely understand the feeling because I feel that same way. He has been telling us he needs to get out and see people but he is scared. He said he is feeling alone. I 100% believe in pandemic depression I am just not sure how they are going to help all these kids. We have an appt with his Dr but I am not sure how is going to help. Our 2 oldest monster got their first covid shot (please don’t come at me with you vaccine opinions because I believe everyone has the right to choose BTW we gave are teenage monster the choice to get it they both choose to get it) but what is life like post pandemic? Will things ever go back to “life before” what does life look like now? As a mom it really sucks not having the answers or not knowing how to help him because everything he is feeling I am feeling too!!!! I really just wish this Covid BIT** never came around!!!!!!!
The past couple of months I have been choosing to put my needs first for the first time ever!!!! I know what some of you are thinking you’re a mom how can you do that? Well here’s the thing I was not being the best mom I could be that is how I can put myself first. I choose to do things that I love again go out, enjoy kids free time, delegate chores to my husband, read, and have better self care. Guess what I don’t care if that bothers people or they think I am being a bad mom or wife because I am living my best life and I an a better mom and wife because I choose myself. In choosing myself I learned that I don’t have to do it all be it all it is ok to let stuff go give in to letting the kids have ice cream for breakfast because it is not worth the fight. I learned that other peoples opinions don’t matter!!!!!!!
I would like to talk for a minute about Mom Guilt!!! I have Mom guilt for all kinds of reasons but I was talking to my sister this weekend and she was telling me that she has been having a lot of mom guilt when she leaves her kids with someone. That made me stop and think why do so many people put moms down for wanting time away from our children. I personally am trying to put myself first a little more this year with everything going on I really think it is important to make time for yourself. I think that with putting myself first I can become a better mom and wife. I 100% believe in self care. I don’t believe that you should never feel guilty. Do your little monsters or significant other feel guilty when they put themselves first? Do single people feel guilty? NO so why should you? I am working on getting my sister on the self care mantra. I think that we need to stop MOM SHAMING. Being a mom is hard enough without the MOM SHAMING.
I think with everything this year everyone is ready for this year to be over, but with the reality of everything this year is it really going to be better than last. I am still going to set new goals for the year. I learned a lot this past year with that said I am going to make realistic goals like trying to keep girls night going because I believe that we really need it. I think that with this pandemic as bad as it is there are some realistic goals we can set like work on our marriage work on my mental health I really think that being home and homeschool I need me time to be with my thoughts more then ever. I am also going to keep connecting with my little monsters. We are learning new thing everyday and I love it. I hate what is going on in the world but I am blessed to say that we have really connected as a family in way that I never knew that we could in a time were social media rules these teens my monster are wanting to talk and connect more. I will tell you that I have learned so much from my monsters this year like TikToc dances and how to game lol. My monsters have also learned from me some new card games and I got to show them my love for history. We also talked about some tough things. I loved that we all slowed down. So as much as this covid Bi*** sucks I love that I could connect with my husband, monsters, and family.
Sorry I have been a little MIA I have been reflecting on everything going on in the world. I have also been very busy with my new career as a “teacher” homeschool is no joke I am really struggling with it. So here is the thing I never wanted to be a teacher and I got thrown in to this I am so lost. The school district choses to use something new the teachers and students don’t understand it. The parents are thrown to the wolves to pick up the pieces and figure it out all well hoping their child is still learning and not falling behind anymore than they already have. I am very concerned about how far behind my child really is. I am scared of the last effects this will have on these children. How will the social skills be effected? Will they have trouble when everything gets back to “normal” not really sure it will ever go back. How can these kids interact with others when they have been sheltered and only talking to friends and family VIA zoom calls? Will we recover for this? I do have some good things that have happened we are closer as a family we are way more connected. I can also now put “Teacher” on my resume.